Things you need to know about your parents…
I have to let all you young graduates’ of 2018 in on some secrets. You see, your parent’s chief responsibility of raising you to the ripe old age of 18 has been completed. Now, let me let you in on a few secrets us parents only share with other parents and the occasional 18-year-old.
We want you to know that most of us did the best we could. I remember after each one of my children was born I looked through all the paperwork the hospital gave me and there wasn’t an instruction manual included on “How to raise your child” in any of the packets. Although, I must say I found the breastfeeding pamphlet fascinating…
Just so you know, we were scared as hell. We had no idea how we were going to get you to the day of graduation; we just knew it was our job. Along the way, mistakes were made. Hopefully, none of them will require significant psychiatric sessions in your future. I hope we weren’t too rough on you. Sometimes parents forget how stupid parents can sound. They forget all the things that were said to them by their parents that made no sense at all. They even said some of the things they said they would never say to their children such as “Because I said so, that’s why”! And “Do as I say, not as I do”! and my personal favorite…” And I suppose if Jillian jumped out of a plane I should let you too”? “I’m not talking just to hear myself speak, you know”! “When I was your age…” It’s just sad how things turn out. We all turn into our parents to a certain extent. Some of it’s good, some of it’s bad.
Now here are some of the secrets you should know about your parents…
- Your mother has constantly made you brush your hair to make it as nice and neat as possible. This from the lady who spent hours and hours teasing her hair up high enough to take out ceiling fans in every room and become the home for a flock of seagulls. (She loved that band)
- Your Father wore a leisure suit to his prom and thought he looked good.
- Your Mother didn’t always look that tired.
- Your Father didn’t walk 4 miles to school uphill both ways in his bare feet in 18 inches of snow pulling his little brother behind him in a sled. He took the bus like everyone else.
- Your Mother thought Rod Stewart was the sexiest man alive and tried to get backstage to see him. I’d like to say she wanted to discuss politics with him, but I’d be lying. (She was a little on the wild side) OUCH!!! Eileen just hit me with an old Rod Stewart Album!
- Your Father found out your Mother liked Rod Stewart and immediately had his hair cut just like Rod’s hair. He even thought about buying the red leather pants he wore in his videos.
- Our generation came up with the “Say no to Drugs” campaign but rarely did they actually say no. As a matter of fact, your Father was Jimi Hendrix’s drug supplier. He’s clean now, but he knows all the terms.
- Your Mom and Dad worried about you every minute you were gone, every minute you played sports, and every time you were late coming home. They will continue to do that until you put them in the nursing home. Then, they will worry about the monsters under their bed. Senility rocks.
Now that I’ve revealed the “Secret” you can look at your parents a little differently. You know, give them that “I know something you don’t know” look. It drives old people crazy.