Great Quotes

Don't forget to write down the funny things your kids say!


Every couple of months I get an email with some funny sayings or quotes. Saying something profound whether it’s funny or not isn’t easy. Usually, it requires quite a bit of thought and some luck. Most politicians go a lifetime with only a few memorable quotes to their credit.

Most of my quotes around the house are recycled from my father and his father before him. They usually involve statements about turning off the lights and something about being born in a barn. I’m assuming that is a quote from my grandfather because my dad grew up on the south side of Chicago. He has a few stories including Al Capone’s parents living across the alley from them when he was growing up. They liked to have parties in their backyard with Al and some of his closest friends. I bet there were some interesting quotes we can’t publish here coming from that backyard. Talk about not wanting to hit a baseball into the wrong backyard.

I’m sure you know someone in your town that is known for some quotes. I’ve heard some interesting statements in my coaching career, most of them from parents who seemed to have time to criticize but no time to help coach. But my all-time favorite was from one of the little girls I coached in 6-7-year-old basketball. The referee called her for a foul; she came over to me and proceeded to tell me “He’s not the boss of me”.

Here are some of my favorite funny quotes.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright

I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Stephen Fry

A Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. A Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns

Don’t forget to write down the funny things your kids say. Later on, you can use them as a blackmail tool. All’s fair. They will definitely make fun of how high you wear your pants when you get old. So, you might as well get your licks in early.

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