I’ve never written a column on my pets before. The pets all are something special in their owner’s eyes. We have pets, and even though they are cute and cuddly, they’re really getting on my nerves.
Eileen has 4 kids (that she knows of…). She was kind enough to involve me in that process. Truthfully, we have 6. We adopted two dogs to help diversify our family. When I say diversify, I mean adding to the cultural makeup of our household.
The first dog that has been a big part of our family is a black Scottish Terrier Schnauzer mix named “Pete”. Lately, I’ve had many other names for him and the only one I can publish is a knucklehead. I named him because “Pete Moss” because it sounded pretty funny to me. Unfortunately, Pete has issues. By issues I mean he is 7 years old and still thinks he’s a puppy. Although this is cute occasionally, most of the time it involves things you don’t want to be involved in. Such as the day he ate 12 cough drops. Now mind you, I didn’t hear him cough once after the ingestion of the said cough drops, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t have one before that. He prefers wild cherry but will settle for a grape flavor in a pinch. He seems to think it’s o.k. to self-medicate without a veterinarian’s diagnosis. He also has quite a sweet tooth.
Now I need to preface this paragraph with this statement. I know chocolate can hurt a small dog if he or she eats too much of it. Unfortunately, Petey doesn’t know this. Petey has eaten more chocolate than Augustus Glute from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Petey likes all brands of chocolate. He manages to open the pantry door and pull out a piece of candy all by himself. His current favorite is Hershey’s chocolate bars but he has become a connoisseur of M & M’s too. My oldest daughter Catie had 3 Hershey’s candy bars (full size) in her purse on the floor of her room. Our dogs are not allowed in the upstairs area of our house. Pete likes to sneak up there when no one is looking and make a real knucklehead of himself. We found 3 empty candy bar wrappers on the floor of her room. Petey was downstairs with a small piece of tin foil on his beard looking up at me with that “what’d I do?” look on his face. We know from previous encounters that Pete will throw his stomach in reverse and we will get another look at the offending chocolate, which I must say is not nearly as appetizing as the first time I saw it. Petey’s stomach is obviously smarter than his brain.
Our other dog is a stray we got from our neighbors. The dog was found abandoned in a nearby park with no collar or tags. They brought her home and posted signs all over to see if someone would claim her. No one did. They have two big dogs so “Pixie” couldn’t stay with them. Then, it happened. Catie and Eileen went over to see Pixie and she came over and sat down right on their laps. I saw this happen and I knew we were getting another dog. Pixie is a (are you ready for this) Chihuahua Cairn terrier mix. I don’t know if there was a step ladder involved in the original action that produced Pixie, but I’m sure at least a booster seat was needed. Pixie favors the Chihuahua breed and is obviously here in the country illegally. She does not speak English. She thinks the taco bell dog is hot. When I took her to the vet to have her shots and be spayed she could not produce her green card and had no health insurance. I was forced to pay the bill. She is currently studying to take her citizenship exam. I’m helping her with U.S.
history. She got a little snippy and bit me when I mentioned the Spanish/American war. I’m pretty sure she’ll ace the test.
So if you see these two knuckleheads running around looking for trouble, point them in my direction. Make sure you let them know I can’t put them through college though. I’ve got enough of that to do.